5 Things to Ask Your Friend with Depression

How do you talk about depression and suicidal thoughts with your friend or loved one? It's a tender subject to discuss. You're afraid of their reaction. Maybe, you think, talking about suicide will put the idea into their mind. Maybe they will get upset or resent you asking questions. These are genuine concerns but a person's life and possible death are too important for us to avoid talking about this serious subject.
Below are 5 questions or conversation starters that can help open the door to your loved one's emotional state of thinking. Once you get the conversation started, keep asking questions. Don't offer advice or platitudes. Listen and commit to following up on a regular basis.

1. How's life treating you? Why?

2. I've heard that everyone with depression thinks about suicide sometimes. Do you think that's true? How about you?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your depression recently? Is it improving or getting worse?

4.What's the best thing going on in your life right now? What's the worst thing?

5. How do you see your life in one year? What will you be doing?


Remember, there are several reasons a person may not immediately tell you about their depression - embarrassment, lack of trust or fear. Be lovingly persistent. Consistency shows you care.
If, during your discussion, your friend or loved one relates to you a serious desire to end their life, please go with them to get immediate help. Pick up the phone and call their doctor or 9-1-1 if necessary. Walk with them through the process of getting help. It's a scary road to walk alone. Be the friend that will make a difference in their life. God bless.

What are some questions or conversation starters that have helped you?

Hurt People Hurt People. But Hurt People Also Heal People.

Hurt people hurt people. Yes, it's true that people in pain or people that have been hurt have a tendency to lash out at others and direct their pain toward others. Subconsciously a scarred heart treats others in a harsh manner in an attempt to self-heal. The hurt person may be sharing their burden with another with the expectation that the person will help them by carrying the burden with them. They may be lashing out in a knee-jerk reaction in order to hurt a person just like they have been. The hurt person may also attempt to bring others down so that they can save themselves (like someone drowning). I have many emotional scars from years of living with an unloving father, from the death of my mother and from the various consequences of my own actions that have hurt myself and others. Since I have fallen in love with and married my wife I have noticed that she often has to deal with pain and hurt in my heart that she did not create. And vice versa - some of the issues haunting her stem from her past, yet I have to endure them. We love each other to the moon and back, but we are two hurt people that sometimes hurt each other.
     But is that all? Hurt people also help people. They care for and nurture people. They heal people. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. What's the most common way to understand another person's feelings? Experience the same thing, or at least a similar level of pain during a similar circumstance. My mother died when I was eight years old and I bet that if your mother died when you were young you can empathize with the part of my heart that remains scarred from that loss and the subsequent relational void in my life. When we share a similar experience, we have a bond. We have an understanding of each others hurts along with the fears and insecurities that develop because of that hurt. Many people have started charities or ministries that reach out to a specific group of people because they themselves have experienced similar circumstances. Nancy Goodman Brinker started the Susan G. Komen Foundation because her sister died from breast cancer. The Ronald McDonald House was started, in part, by Fred Hill, whose daughter had leukemia. I know several bloggers and authors who use their platform to reach out to people suffering with the very disease or condition that they have experienced. I began reaching out to others that suffer with depression because I can relate and I want to encourage them and help educate their friends and loved ones about depression.
     People who have experienced hurt can use their super power of empathy to help others. That may be occur in the form of listening without offering platitudes. You may sense when a person needs additional help before they realize it. You might be able to help someone survive when they no longer have strength left to fight. The hurt within will grant you the uncanny ability to see past scar-filled reactions and offer compassion and forgiveness. That's the one that I need most of the time. I am thankful for my wife for innumerable reasons, but one of the reasons is that she is hurt, like me, and she uses the experiences from her past to help others. She cares for and nurtures people in dire circumstances. My wife heals people. People - meaning me. What can you do with your hurt? Hurt others or help them - the choice is yours.
God bless!

The Most Beautiful People...

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

THINK

Change

Tonic or Toxin: Side Effects of Antidepressants

As my wife and I watch tv, we occasionally see a commercial for the latest and greatest pharmaceutical. We inevitably end up laughing at the dozens of side effects listed for a drug meant to treat one condition. You may have a drug for the treatment of a skin rash that has side effects like blood clots, seizures, sexual dysfunction, vomiting, diarrhea, dizziness, blindness and maybe death! As scientists attempt to alter one chemical in the body, they wind up affecting other physiological systems and natural functions. This is also true for psychotropic (psychoactive or psycho-pharmaceutical) drugs. After 25+ years of SSRI prescriptions, current studies are showing both the immediate and long-term side effects of these substances, much to the dismay of pharmaceutical companies, doctors and patients.
Why would companies continue to produce medication that is considerably ineffective and potentially harmful to their customers? According to IMS Health, sales of antidepressants in the United States alone surpassed $11 billion in 2010. That sounds like a lot of reasons to sell such products. The responsibility for the surge in sales lies with all involved - the pharmaceutical companies, the doctors and us, the consumers. Making an informed decision needs to be one of our top goals before taking any pill, especially one that is going to alter your mind. Even if a doctor recommends medication, take the time to learn about what it may, or may not, do to your mind and body. Discuss your findings with your physician and also discuss a time frame for cessation of treatment. Even if you need the medication to address an immediate need, especially a mild condition, that doesn't mean you should become dependent on it for the rest of your life.
Not only can the side effects from antidepressants be dangerous, but the effectiveness of the drugs tends to have declining results over time. Longitudinal (long-term) follow-up studies show very poor outcomes for people treated for depression in both hospital and outpatient settings, and the overall prevalence of depression is rising despite increased use of antidepressants (Moncrieff & Kirsch 2006).

Here are some of the most common side effects of antidepressants:

• amotivational syndrome - a psychological condition associated with diminished inspiration to participate in social situations and activities, with episodes of apathy (also stated as a general syndrome of indifference)
• heart problems
• hostility/aggression/violence
• sleep problems
• anxiety
• hallucinations/delusional thinking
• depression
• sexual dysfunction
• birth defects
• suicide/risk/attempts -  this is a warning to be taken seriously for adults and children taking SSRI's
• additional medication necessary - often, doctors will prescribe more drugs to treat the side effects associated with antidepressants which can add additional problems

This is not an exhaustive list nor does it address the various conditions associated with the prescription of antidepressants. The main goal of this piece is to raise awareness of the seriousness of side effects from psychotropic medications and to encourage consumers to be more proactive and in control of their health care.
Follow the links below for additional reading on this subject.


http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/1025-us-antidepressant-sales-rise-to-11b-due-to-primary-care-docs/
http://chriskresser.com/the-dark-side-of-antidepressants
http://www.drugwatch.com/ssri/suicide/

Whether You Think You Can or You Can't...

Whether you think you can or can't, either way you are right. - Henry Ford