3 Tips for Overcoming Obstacles

If you're anything like me, you've spent most of your life climbing uphill. There have been many major obstacles in my life - some that have been placed on my plate and some that I have dished out myself. Fighting depression since the age of eight has been one of the greatest obstacles to overcome because of the debilitating disease itself and all of the additional conditions and consequences that it causes. I have heard people say things like "just shake it off" (long before Taylor Swift) or "you'll get over it." Not only do platitudes fail to comfort they also fail to offer any real direction or help. Not being new to this game, I know for a fact that not everyone wants help. I have been in a position many times where it didn't matter what anyone said or did, I just wanted to wallow in my pit and enjoy the familiarity of loneliness and depression. Sometimes, I didn't know an escape from the pit existed. However, there are many, possibly you, that are tired of living in the pit and want to make changes. That's great! I can assure you that it is possible. God has taught me so much over the years about overcoming obstacles like depression. I can assure you that it's not easy. You don't just "get over it." It takes work, faith and perseverance. I don't know what your next goal is or what obstacle you need to overcome but I would like to share these tips to help you overcome.
This morning I decided to overcome an obstacle. Over the last two years I have become drastically out of shape. My job involves sitting at a desk all day, every day, eating donuts and drinking coffee and my efforts to exercise in the evenings and on weekends have been less than inspirational. So today I got up, got dressed and drove to a boxing fitness center. With Eye of the Tiger playing in my mind and jump rope in hand, I charged into the workout like a champ. Six minutes and three routines later I was sitting on a box gasping for breath trying not to throw up. My obstacle hit me like a brick wall. Will I give up or overcome? Well, having faced a lifetime of obstacles, I've learned a few lessons that apply to this situation. Really, my only two choices are to stay in the condition I am, which I'm not satisfied with, or keep moving forward. I'm going to press on. Let me encourage you to persevere in your trek to climb that mountain. You can, and will, make it. Hopefully, you can benefit from my experience and apply it to your situation. Here are some tips for overcoming obstacles:

1) Don't wait to get started
Procrastination kills motivation. If you have an obstacle before you, start moving now to conquer it. You may fear that you're not ready and you might make a mistake. Probably. Mistakes help us learn. I wasn't ready to jump in to a full workout when I went to the fitness center, but my experience gave me an honest evaluation of what I need to work on - cardio. Now I know which direction to go. My efforts to combat depression took years because I wanted to be stable or "feel better" before working on other issues. Now, I can look back and be thankful for how far I've come. What move are you going to make now to overcome that obstacle?

2) If you get knocked down, get up and try again
This is an old saying, but vital to your progress. Never, ever give up. One of my favorite bible verses says, "No weapon formed against me shall prosper." I find it inspirational for two reasons: what it says, and what it doesn't say. It says that no matter what attacks me, the end has already been determined and those weapons lose. What it doesn't say is just as important. It doesn't say that the weapons can't harm me or do any damage. They can and will. But they can't defeat me. Depression has certainly damaged me over the years, but I'm still alive and enjoying the blessings in my life. Do you have scars? Then you are a survivor. Keep going.

3) Acknowledge every forward step
You will be alive until you die, no? Sounds silly, but there is a great truth here. Are you going to live a life of death or a life of living? The journey of life is yours to take. So what if your goal was 100 steps and you only made 82? That's progress, that's accomplishment, that's perseverance. Remember, it's not over until it's over and every positive move you make is, in itself, overcoming the obstacle. What is the last success you can name, no matter how small? You can do this, one step at a time.

5 Things to Ask Your Friend with Depression

How do you talk about depression and suicidal thoughts with your friend or loved one? It's a tender subject to discuss. You're afraid of their reaction. Maybe, you think, talking about suicide will put the idea into their mind. Maybe they will get upset or resent you asking questions. These are genuine concerns but a person's life and possible death are too important for us to avoid talking about this serious subject.
Below are 5 questions or conversation starters that can help open the door to your loved one's emotional state of thinking. Once you get the conversation started, keep asking questions. Don't offer advice or platitudes. Listen and commit to following up on a regular basis.

1. How's life treating you? Why?

2. I've heard that everyone with depression thinks about suicide sometimes. Do you think that's true? How about you?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your depression recently? Is it improving or getting worse?

4.What's the best thing going on in your life right now? What's the worst thing?

5. How do you see your life in one year? What will you be doing?


Remember, there are several reasons a person may not immediately tell you about their depression - embarrassment, lack of trust or fear. Be lovingly persistent. Consistency shows you care.
If, during your discussion, your friend or loved one relates to you a serious desire to end their life, please go with them to get immediate help. Pick up the phone and call their doctor or 9-1-1 if necessary. Walk with them through the process of getting help. It's a scary road to walk alone. Be the friend that will make a difference in their life. God bless.

What are some questions or conversation starters that have helped you?

10 Things to Never Say to a Person with Depression

     There are many lists of platitudes and insults out there so this will not be new information. However, I hope that by reviewing some specific ones, while adding my personal reflections, the friends and families of people with depression will gain a better understanding of why these remarks can be so painful and destructive. I have personally suffered from clinical depression since the age of 8 and have heard statements like these many times. To most people, these are normal responses to life and can, at times, be seen as positive motivators. It may seem odd that they could be taken in such a negative way. Such is the cloud of depression. It acts as a negative filter or magnifying glass to the sufferer. Simple statements like these can feel like a knife in the heart to the person in depression. Even if your intentions are good, these will often times make a person feel worse.

1) Pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
    - Not very encouraging when you already feel helpless. This actually increases the "I'm a failure" thought process of many with depression.

2) It’s all in your head.
    - While this may technically be true (due to a chemical imbalance in the brain), it does convey the message that the person's pain is imaginary or an exaggeration of some sort.

3) Just focus on the positive things in life, not the negative.
    - Well... if it were that easy, the person would already be doing that. When having a depressive episode, the pain is so strong that it's difficult to feel good about anything.

4) I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been depressed before too.
    - Worst. Platitude. Ever. Even if you have felt that way before, someone in that much pain does not feel consoled by the comparison.  Experiencing situational depression involves many of the same symptoms but is not the same.

5) You should get out more. Socialize. Hang out with friends.
     - Depression is an odd catch 22. A suffering person longs to be wanted and accepted, yet feels lonely in a crowd of 200 people. 

6) It could always be worse.
    - Although this is true, it's hard to imagine for a person with depression and may drive them further into thinking about suicide.

7) You are selfish and just want attention.
     - While there are some that will use any circumstance to draw attention to themselves, the majority of people suffering from depression are genuinely in pain and agony.

8) You should exercise more.
     - This one is a matter of timing. During a depressive episode, it can take all of your strength just to get up and do daily activities like bathing, eating or going to work. Exercise should be encouraged during recovery periods.

9) Just pray about it.
    - Calling out to God is probably the best thing a hurting person can do. However, your loved one may feel like God isn't helping them because they aren't instantly getting better.  Pray with them and for them.

10) You have to choose to be happy.
       -  When you have a chemical imbalance working against you, among other issues, your emotions are often chosen for you.

On behalf of your loved one that suffers from depression, please think about these types of statements and consider making changes that will better reflect the love and compassion you want to share. Even when saying tough things are necessary, consider the timing and the amount of personal support you are willing to give. Look for my next list - 10 Better Things to Say!

God bless!