Wilderness, Depression, & Stars in the Night

The surprisingly dramatic role of nutrition in mental health | Julia Ruc...

3 Tips for Diminishing Depression During Thanksgiving

The first of two big holidays is upon us. In a few weeks, we will be celebrating with our family and friends. Traditions throughout the United States, including some things integrated from other lands and cultures, can be special times. The two most common Thanksgiving traditions are getting together with family and FOOD! Lots of yummy food - turkey, ham, dressing, sweet potatoes, corn, cranberry sauce, pumpkin pie... now I'm hungry!
Even with all the great food, the most meaningful part of Thanksgiving is the time spent with family. Perhaps that means a small group of immediate family members or a gathering that includes aunts & uncles, grandparents, cousins or in-laws that you don't get to see on a daily basis. No matter the size of your family, there is warmth, joy and love.
Or is there?
What if everyone else is happy but you feel hollow on the inside? For you this gathering doesn't bring back happy memories from childhood, it serves only as a reminder of pain and heartache. Or maybe you have no family at all with which to celebrate. There are many single people away from their home, widowers or people isolated for other reasons. This holiday may be a reminder of your loneliness rather than anything joyous in life. Many people share your struggle. I have felt that pain many, many times throughout my life. It is crushing, deflating, dehumanizing and can open up a well of sorrow within your heart. Here are a few tricks that have proved extremely effective in my life during holiday depressions.

1) Be Thankful: Imagine that, being thankful at Thanksgiving. Oh, the audacity! Seriously though, if your heart is heavy from the things you don't have, or don't feel you have, count your blessings. They may be few but focus on them. Every single one of them. Write them down. Find things to be thankful for - the last good book you read, chocolate ice cream, your dog, good memories of times spent with your best friend, your creative nature, rain that makes the flowers grow next spring, the color green; anything and everything.

2) Plan Ahead: If you know your Thanksgiving situation is going to be less than ideal, make survival plans now. Is going to your family get together a painful duty? Try something new this year. How about dropping in to say hello and I love you, then heading out to do your own thing. Make plans with friends or schedule activities for yourself such as renting funny movies or working on a hobby.

3) Serve Others: Did you know that there are numerous churches and charitable organizations that feed the poor and homeless people on Thanksgiving?  You can volunteer to cook, serve, clean up or even deliver meals. Plus, you can spend time talking to people, asking about how their life is going. It will be a joy for them just to be treated like a normal human being and you might make a new friend!

If you are feeling especially lonely or low this season, please reach out to someone. People care about you, even if it's not the ones that are supposed to. I care. I will be praying for you this Thanksgiving.
If you have any other suggestions for diminishing depression during the holidays, please share in the comments below.
God bless

Dear Anxiety

I don’t know why, but it seems like the less depression I have, the more anxiety tries to creep in. It’s like they are trying to do a tag team against me. Depression has wrestled me down but couldn’t pin me into submission. Now that I have gotten the upper hand on him he has decided to tag his partner, anxiety, and let him have a go at it. 

Anxiety is like a pilot light in the furnace of my heart. Always there, deep down, staying lit, waiting for a chance to flame up. Heartburn of the soul. I decided to write anxiety a little letter to let it know that I am not happy about these visits and I plan to fight, not just lay down and surrender.

Dear Anxiety,

    Thank you for stopping by this morning. Although not totally unexpected, your presence was somewhat of a surprise. It’s strange because now that your cousin has been vacated, you think that you are encouraged to take his place. Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but you are not. Just as he has been defeated, you will be also. I am thankful for your annoying presence because you will make me stronger. You will provide ample opportunity to turn to God, to let Jesus be my strength and my hope. He is the light of the world and the light of my life. He is my life. Much to your dismay, I’m sure, your attempts to conquer me and tear me down will only result in a more fine-tuned, refined instrument in God’s hands. For that, I say bravo, little anxiety, bravo.

    Oh, I realize that there will be fights between us. You’ll sneak in a jab here & there. That’s right, I know what your plans are. I would rather not be bothered by your petty attempts but I will take the challenge with one little nugget of truth in mind - in the end, I win. God has already proclaimed it. Jesus has the victory in hand (both hands actually) and he has me in his hands. Your pathetic disruptions are nothing more than last-ditch efforts, flailing failures to be discarded at the edge of eternity. I hope you enjoy your brief moments of success. They will be your last. My gloves are laced up, my footwork is better than ever, my strength comes from HIM and his punches have power like dynamite. Step into the ring sucker. Let’s go - fight’s on!

Sincerely,

Jamie

5 Things to Ask Your Friend with Depression

How do you talk about depression and suicidal thoughts with your friend or loved one? It's a tender subject to discuss. You're afraid of their reaction. Maybe, you think, talking about suicide will put the idea into their mind. Maybe they will get upset or resent you asking questions. These are genuine concerns but a person's life and possible death are too important for us to avoid talking about this serious subject.
Below are 5 questions or conversation starters that can help open the door to your loved one's emotional state of thinking. Once you get the conversation started, keep asking questions. Don't offer advice or platitudes. Listen and commit to following up on a regular basis.

1. How's life treating you? Why?

2. I've heard that everyone with depression thinks about suicide sometimes. Do you think that's true? How about you?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your depression recently? Is it improving or getting worse?

4.What's the best thing going on in your life right now? What's the worst thing?

5. How do you see your life in one year? What will you be doing?


Remember, there are several reasons a person may not immediately tell you about their depression - embarrassment, lack of trust or fear. Be lovingly persistent. Consistency shows you care.
If, during your discussion, your friend or loved one relates to you a serious desire to end their life, please go with them to get immediate help. Pick up the phone and call their doctor or 9-1-1 if necessary. Walk with them through the process of getting help. It's a scary road to walk alone. Be the friend that will make a difference in their life. God bless.

What are some questions or conversation starters that have helped you?

Hurt People Hurt People. But Hurt People Also Heal People.

Hurt people hurt people. Yes, it's true that people in pain or people that have been hurt have a tendency to lash out at others and direct their pain toward others. Subconsciously a scarred heart treats others in a harsh manner in an attempt to self-heal. The hurt person may be sharing their burden with another with the expectation that the person will help them by carrying the burden with them. They may be lashing out in a knee-jerk reaction in order to hurt a person just like they have been. The hurt person may also attempt to bring others down so that they can save themselves (like someone drowning). I have many emotional scars from years of living with an unloving father, from the death of my mother and from the various consequences of my own actions that have hurt myself and others. Since I have fallen in love with and married my wife I have noticed that she often has to deal with pain and hurt in my heart that she did not create. And vice versa - some of the issues haunting her stem from her past, yet I have to endure them. We love each other to the moon and back, but we are two hurt people that sometimes hurt each other.
     But is that all? Hurt people also help people. They care for and nurture people. They heal people. Empathy is defined as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. What's the most common way to understand another person's feelings? Experience the same thing, or at least a similar level of pain during a similar circumstance. My mother died when I was eight years old and I bet that if your mother died when you were young you can empathize with the part of my heart that remains scarred from that loss and the subsequent relational void in my life. When we share a similar experience, we have a bond. We have an understanding of each others hurts along with the fears and insecurities that develop because of that hurt. Many people have started charities or ministries that reach out to a specific group of people because they themselves have experienced similar circumstances. Nancy Goodman Brinker started the Susan G. Komen Foundation because her sister died from breast cancer. The Ronald McDonald House was started, in part, by Fred Hill, whose daughter had leukemia. I know several bloggers and authors who use their platform to reach out to people suffering with the very disease or condition that they have experienced. I began reaching out to others that suffer with depression because I can relate and I want to encourage them and help educate their friends and loved ones about depression.
     People who have experienced hurt can use their super power of empathy to help others. That may be occur in the form of listening without offering platitudes. You may sense when a person needs additional help before they realize it. You might be able to help someone survive when they no longer have strength left to fight. The hurt within will grant you the uncanny ability to see past scar-filled reactions and offer compassion and forgiveness. That's the one that I need most of the time. I am thankful for my wife for innumerable reasons, but one of the reasons is that she is hurt, like me, and she uses the experiences from her past to help others. She cares for and nurtures people in dire circumstances. My wife heals people. People - meaning me. What can you do with your hurt? Hurt others or help them - the choice is yours.
God bless!

The Most Beautiful People...

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross